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If you missed part one of Michelle’s blog series on postpartum sex you can find it here

On to the top 4 ways to get back into the groove of having and enjoying sex again!

Remember that you know your body best and are way better at knowing when you are ready to get intimate. You may start off thinking well I am ready to have sex again, but I cannot remember the last time I was able to have a shower, I can smell spit up in my hair, I have not even shaved my legs in weeks and I would rather choose sleep over sex right in this moment. This leads into number 1…

1.    Hire a postpartum doula – she can come over and watch your new bundle of joy while you take that long awaited shower. Or maybe you would like to take a good nap. You could even book a spa day to pamper yourself while your postpartum doula watches baby. All these things, as small as taking a shower, can help you feel like you again and once you feel like yourself again you just might feel excited to get close to your partner to show them how beautiful and sexy you are.

2.    My favorite way to ease back into intimacy with your partner is taking a bath together. Put baby to bed and draw yourself a bath, pull out those bath salts you have been meaning to try. Pour yourself a glass of wine and slip into the tub. Doing this together can be so intimate and will give you both a chance to talk without any distractions (unless of course baby wakes). A bath will also have you feeling relaxed and fresh to maybe go to that next step.

3.    Candles, massage oil and some nice music – light some scented candles and find some massage oil to rub your partners back with and vice versa; all while listening to some of your favorite music. This is an excellent way to get close to your partner again, relax and just enjoy each other’s company and each other’s touch.

4.    Lubrication – when you’re ready to take the next step, you might want to use some kind of lubrication as your own natural secretions may be low, especially if you are breastfeeding.  Don’t be afraid to use a liberal amount on both yourself and your partner. After you have fully healed and things are feeling back to normal you may find that you enjoy using lubrication.

Above all make sure to communicate with your partner as they could be unaware of where you are still healing, and your fears about having sex again for the first time.  There is also nothing wrong with you saying that you are not ready yet and would just like to cuddle and watch a movie together. Taking it slow is key and remember you will get back to your normal self again with time and self-care.

Author Michelle Wagner is a postpartum doula and labour doula in Calgary, AB. She is available for hire through Chinook City Doulas and would love to support you and your family.

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