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By Michelle Wagner, Postpartum Doula

One should never ask another woman or newlywed couple “So when do you plan on having children?”, “How many children do you plan on having?”, “You have two boys you should try for another in hopes for a girl!”.

THERE CAN BE SO MANY EMOTIONS ATTACHED TO THOSE QUESTIONS AND THEY ARE SO PERSONAL. WE REALLY HAVE NO BUSINESS ASKING THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.

 

​This is all recently sparked by Jennifer Aniston’s letter written with Huffington Post to set the record straight that she is “not” pregnant. The amount of times that I have seen her in the tabloids saying “Jennifer Aniston is pregnant!” she would have had 5 or more kids by now.

These speculations and questions that get asked by family, friends and acquaintances can be very hurtful and to put it bluntly is not any of our business. There could be many factors or reasons that a couple has not had kids yet; and it could possibly be a very emotional or hurtful question if they are struggling with infertility. Who is to say that every couple wants to have kids; some may just not like kids period and want to travel and enjoy each other.

Jennifer Aniston also states in her letter that it is not only the pregnancy rumors that is frustrating but the body shaming that comes with it that is very hurtful. We as women are under constant scrutiny from everyone around us and even we ourselves are our own worst critics. One day we decide to not have an alcoholic beverage “why aren’t you drinking? Are you pregnant? At a family get together you eat more than you may normally “wow you are hungry, are you eating for two?” These comments stick and then cause us to think am I getting fat, do I look pregnant.

I have put together a list of 10 responses that I was able to find online for the next time you are asked “So when are you having kids?”:

1.    It is just not in our plan right now.
2.    We enjoy sleeping in and not being interrupted during our sleep.
3.    Well we are just doing a lot of practice right now.
4.    We just want to enjoy each other right now.
5.    We are planning to do some travelling first.
6.    I don’t know. How did you predict when you would have yours?
7.    That’s a really great question. I wish I knew the answer.
8.    Only God knows, and he hasn’t told me yet.
9.    I already have one. (then you can refer to your spouse or your pet if you have one)
10.  When the time is right. My eggs (or sperm) are pretty picky.

​Hopefully these comments are helpful for when you are being constantly bombarded with this question.  You know best on how to answer or what feels right; you can always just walk away and not dignify such a hurtful question with a response.

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